Special Concerns of the Single Mother to Be.

Today, some women are choosing to have their babies alone; their reasons vary. Many women will have the support of the father-to-be but have decided not to get married. For other women, the baby's father is unable or unwilling to be with them. This information will give you a foundation for seeking answers to questions about your situation. There may be many issues you have not thought about.

Questions in this chapter fall into two groups: We answer the first group of questions because we have been asked many of them before.
For the second group of questions, we do not provide any answers because they concern legal matters we aren't qualified to answer.

However, we include them because there are many legal ramifications to this decision. Use the questions to help formulate questions about your personal situation to ask your attorney, a patient advocate, a hospital social worker, your doctor or family members.

SPECIAL CONSIDERATIONS

I'm having a lot of trouble emotionally with this pregnancy. Whom should I talk to about it?
Begin by talking with your doctor. Office personnel can direct you to a counselor or a support group, depending on what you need.

Will I have to make special plans for when I go into labor? What should they cover?
Just as any pregnant woman, you must decide who will be with you when you labor and deliver, and who will be there to help afterward. The only special plan to consider is how you will get to the hospital. One woman decided to have her friend drive her, but she couldn't reach her when the time came. Her next option (all part of her plan) was to call a taxi, which got her to the hospital in plenty of time.

What can I do about a labor coach? I don't have a particular person in mind to ask.
Ask a good friend, a relative or someone else who is close to you. Not all women have their partner as their labor coach. Often a woman who has already given birth using the same methods is an excellent labor coach. She will understand your discomfort and be able to identify with your experience.

If I am a single mother, will the nurses treat me differently?
The nurses' job is to provide the best care they possibly can; they pride themselves in taking care of their patients.

How will it be different for me when I take my baby home by myself?
A new baby is always an incredible challenge, in any situation. You will probably need more support from family and friends because you won't have anyone to share the responsibilities with at home. Don't hesitate to ask for assistance. If you have no one you can ask to give of their time, you might consider hiring someone to stay with you at night for the first week or two, to enable you to get back on your feet.

Because I had donor insemination, my baby won't have another set of grandparents, aunts and uncles. Do you think this will be a problem?
Families today are different than they were in the past. Many children don't have a complete set of parents or grandparents, even in the closest family units. In these situations, an older family friend can be just as loving and giving to a child as a grandparent. Encourage older friends to take an active part in your child's life.

Are there support groups for single parents?
Yes, there are. Ask your doctor or pediatrician for the names of groups in your area.

I'm scared that if I get sick, no one will be there to take care of my baby. How can I deal with this problem?
You need to plan ahead for this situation. Find a family member or close friend you can call upon to help out in case this happens. Knowing you have provided for this event should give you peace of mind.